Wednesday, September 08, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
God's Thoughts on Lawns
GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.
ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it -- sometimes twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS: No, Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.
ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about ...
GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it -- sometimes twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS: No, Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.
ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about ...
GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
A Moving Eulogy
Watch this! A commercial on Family by the Singapore Government. Very well done, and moving. Can learn a lesson from there too!
The director of the commercial was a Malaysian woman, but she passed away recently of heart attack.
The director of the commercial was a Malaysian woman, but she passed away recently of heart attack.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Who Stole My Fries?
This is a very funny ad.
Where are her chips? Watch and find out. Her reaction is hilarious near the end. Pretty good acting, I thought!
And listen for the last words at the end!
Where are her chips? Watch and find out. Her reaction is hilarious near the end. Pretty good acting, I thought!
And listen for the last words at the end!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Dolphins Mud-ring Feeding
See how smart they are. Creating the circumstances to present themselves with the opportunities. They get all the food they need.
Science says the dolphins are the second most intelligent animal after human beings!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Soft Drinks Consumption Increases Pancreatic Cancer Risk
The next time you see a friend enjoying a carbonated soft drink, walk right up and slap that drink out of his hand.
When he (or the police) asks why you did that, you can answer with this: Soft drink consumption increases pancreatic cancer risk.
At this point, your friend, whose life you may have saved, will thank you or have you arrested. If the latter, here's what you can offer in your defense as you're being handcuffed ...
Researchers at Georgetown University Medical Center examined evidence gathered from the Singapore Chinese Health Study. More than 60,000 subjects were followed for as much as 14 years.
Results showed that those who consumed just two or more soft drinks each week increased their risk of pancreatic cancer by nearly 90 percent. And the link was that strong even after researchers allowed for factors such as smoking, type 2 diabetes, and excess body weight. (Diet soft drinks weren't included in the study.)
The study also found that the same level of fruit juice consumption was not linked to the disease. This was unexpected because many fruit juices contain as much or nearly as much sugar as soft drinks. But the Georgetown lead researcher pointed out to Medscape that there are several differences between soft drinks and fruit juices, such as nutrient content and typically smaller juice portion sizes.
And then there's the huge, glaring difference, which he didn't mention: Unlike a genuine fruit juice, soft drinks are sweetened with high fructose corn syrup.
I'm not saying HFCS causes pancreatic cancer. I'm just saying...it's there.
When he (or the police) asks why you did that, you can answer with this: Soft drink consumption increases pancreatic cancer risk.
At this point, your friend, whose life you may have saved, will thank you or have you arrested. If the latter, here's what you can offer in your defense as you're being handcuffed ...
Researchers at Georgetown University Medical Center examined evidence gathered from the Singapore Chinese Health Study. More than 60,000 subjects were followed for as much as 14 years.
Results showed that those who consumed just two or more soft drinks each week increased their risk of pancreatic cancer by nearly 90 percent. And the link was that strong even after researchers allowed for factors such as smoking, type 2 diabetes, and excess body weight. (Diet soft drinks weren't included in the study.)
The study also found that the same level of fruit juice consumption was not linked to the disease. This was unexpected because many fruit juices contain as much or nearly as much sugar as soft drinks. But the Georgetown lead researcher pointed out to Medscape that there are several differences between soft drinks and fruit juices, such as nutrient content and typically smaller juice portion sizes.
And then there's the huge, glaring difference, which he didn't mention: Unlike a genuine fruit juice, soft drinks are sweetened with high fructose corn syrup.
I'm not saying HFCS causes pancreatic cancer. I'm just saying...it's there.
Sunday, March 07, 2010
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Seven Reasons Not To Mess With Children
1. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, ‘When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.’
The teacher asked, ‘What if Jonah went to hell?’
The little girl replied, ‘Then you ask him.’
2. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, ‘I’m drawing God.’
The teacher paused and said, ‘But no one knows what God looks like.’
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, ‘They will in a minute.’
3. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to ‘honour’ thy father and thy mother, she asked, ‘Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?’
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, ‘Thou shall not kill.’
4. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, ‘Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?’
Her mother replied, ‘Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.’
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, ‘Mummy, how come ALL of Grandma’s hairs are white?’
5. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
‘Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.’
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, ‘And there’s the teacher, she’s dead.’
6. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, ‘Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.’
‘Yes,’ the class said.
‘Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?’
A little fellow shouted, ‘Cause your feet ain’t empty.’
7. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: ‘Take only ONE… God is watching.’
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, ‘Take all you want. God is watching the apples.’
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, ‘When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.’
The teacher asked, ‘What if Jonah went to hell?’
The little girl replied, ‘Then you ask him.’
2. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, ‘I’m drawing God.’
The teacher paused and said, ‘But no one knows what God looks like.’
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, ‘They will in a minute.’
3. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to ‘honour’ thy father and thy mother, she asked, ‘Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?’
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, ‘Thou shall not kill.’
4. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, ‘Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?’
Her mother replied, ‘Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.’
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, ‘Mummy, how come ALL of Grandma’s hairs are white?’
5. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
‘Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.’
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, ‘And there’s the teacher, she’s dead.’
6. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, ‘Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.’
‘Yes,’ the class said.
‘Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?’
A little fellow shouted, ‘Cause your feet ain’t empty.’
7. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: ‘Take only ONE… God is watching.’
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, ‘Take all you want. God is watching the apples.’
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